The Beatles Love

At this point, it seems obvious to point out The Beatles “Love” has been the only thing in 40 years able to usurp Magical Mystery Tour from the throne of the worst Beatles album ever. And that’s probably because it wasn’t really a Beatles album at all.

What’s more shocking is that “Love” was produced by George Martin, who was the same man able to produce every other Beatles album, except for most of Let it Be, which admittedly was a disaster on its own. It seems as though Martin and a crack team of Beatle-ologists, as well as the two remaining living members of the band got into a room with a some safety scissors and all the original Beatles tapes and asked themselves what of this pretty priceless material they could cut, splice, reverse, and dub in order to end up with a bunch of tracks with the power to ruin perfectly good songs.

We’re probably going to get a lot of flak for this, because people probably think the album is pretty good. Well sure it’s good, especially if you’ve ever gotten drunk and wondered what it would sound like if the opening chord to Hard Day’s Night were transplanted in front of any number of their other songs, or if you’ve ever wondered whether mixing Tomorrow Never Knows and Within You Without You would actually produce the worst song in all of musical history. Then yes, if you’ve asked yourselves these questions then Love might be the album for you.

It was marketed as a new Beatles album, which, if one can actually, morally justify considering old songs blended together as new material, then sure, why not? Although we must admire the marketing genius that allowed Martin to understand how excited people would get over the idea of new material from a band that couldn’t possibly make anything new.

However, if there is any doubt that Love is, in fact, crap, keep in mind that  a Cirque de Soleil performance based on the music from the album had a nice run. So Instead of Love, here are better solutions:

  1. Listen to any, any other Beatles album
  2. Learn guitar, bass, and drums and re-record said albums in your basement on your own. Note: this might get tricky once you get to Revolver.
  3. Realize that John was wrong, that we really don’t need Love at all. And start Listening to heavy metal.
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